Transformation is a messy process. I wrote this poem in the middle of moving from fear to freedom. As I intentionally sat in the hurt and pain I'd pushed aside for many years, I often felt hopeless. I hated seeing how my fear-based life strategy had caused me to make unhealthy decisions. Was it possible I could actually change?
Fear dominated my life when I assumed all the responsibility for my own transformation. If it was all up to me, I'd absolutely screw it up. That's what I had done up to that point. But God was calling me to place my hope in Him. Transformation is God's responsibility. That was a life-changing revelation. My role was to put myself in His hands day after day after day.
Learning to change my self-protective life strategy has been difficult. In theory, I love that God is responsible for bringing about change and I can rest in him. In reality, I often try to tell God how to do his job!
Life is still messy with set-backs and disappointments, but placing hope in God's heart for bringing about my healing brings a sense of peace and contentment. Kinda like being a kid on a swing.
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us. Romans 5:4-5
Where are you in your transformation process?
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