A New Song

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3

I’ve had six different offices in my 14 years of counseling. I began working out of my condo, then moved to a tiny 9x9 office some years later. Last month I had the opportunity to move my counseling office within our suite. I had eyed the corner office with two walls of windows since we leased the suite three years ago. When I initially joined the suite, I was thankful for the opportunity to be part of a group of folks who, like me, loved helping people. First-time clients called my small office “cozy.”

A lot of good things took place in that small office. Clients laughed, cried, and God used me to walk alongside them in difficult times. I wrote and published my first book, From the Other Side of the Couch: A Biblical Counselor’s Guide to Relational Living. I was content and grateful for God’s provision. Then an opportunity came open and I stepped out and asked if I could move into the more spacious corner office. Just one door down, yet I feel a new energy, new ideas, and hugely blessed every time I walk into that space.

Some clients see my wonderful office and experience my joyful heart and incorrectly assume I’ve never had difficult life circumstances. They see me with a new song of praise in my mouth without knowing the slimy pit where God rescued my heart, mind, and soul. Looking at my blessings causes them to feel ignored and abandoned by God. Yet my transformational journey is the vehicle God continually uses to help others find their own firm place to stand.

Do you look at the blessings of others and feel rejected by God? Do you beat yourself up when comparing yourself to those around you? Do you feel helpless to change your hopelessness?

Waiting on God’s timing in changing our circumstances can be excruciatingly difficult and discouragement will threaten to set in. But it’s at those times we most need to lift our eyes up to the mountains, ask for God’s help in your time of trouble, and receive hope through the testimony of others. What matters most is your perspective. Work hard to confess your negativity to God, asking him to pull the root of bitterness out of your heart. Wrestle with your automatic fleshly nature when it compares and condemns.

Ask God to show you others who’ve been rescued. Listen to or read about their story of transformation and allow it to inspire your heart. Then focus on crying out to God in the middle of your muddy life. He will not leave you stranded. God promises to give you a new song anchored by the firm foundation of his love for you.

Photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.com

Living Messages

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” Neil Postman

Today I spent time with a group of Christian mental health professionals and the topic of generational limiting beliefs came up. From the time Adam and Eve left the garden, their outlook on themselves, each other, and God became the beliefs they handed down to their children. Their children received distortions which affected their relational understandings with their own children. And so on and so on.

It breaks my heart to hear inaccurate messages my counseling clients received from their parents and representatives of God. “Your worth depends on how others view you.” “It’s selfish to consider your own needs.” “You always have to turn the other cheek and let others walk all over you.” In response, many folks create vows which limit their ability to prosper. “I can’t ever do anything right.” “Nobody will ever care about me.” “I’m such a disappointment to God.”

These messages get installed deep in our soul and cloud the vision God has for our life. Instead of living a bold and courageous life, our beliefs bring fear and timidity. We model this lifestyle for our children and their perfectionism results in guilt and despair.

What messages did you receive that God wants to correct? What messages are you installing and beliefs you are modeling to those in your life today? Commit to wrestling with your belief systems. Whether your foundational beliefs came from parents, pastors, teachers, or friends, there will be distortions and we need God’s truth to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Photo courtesy of www.believersbrain.com

Random Acts of Kindness

‘Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.’ Luke 6:38

Thank you to the unknown couple who selflessly bought my breakfast this morning! I woke up in a great mood, feeling blessed and joyful. After an early morning appointment, I stopped into my favorite restaurant for breakfast.

“What can I get you?” Debbie asked in a flat, bored voice.

“Good morning!” I said enthusiastically. Debbie looked a bit startled at my response.

After giving my order, I pulled out a book and sipped rich, flavorful coffee. The restaurant was quiet mid-morning. Two tables up a couple packed up their to-go boxes, walking past me without a word as they left the restaurant.

The book was awesome and breakfast was yummy. After my third cup of coffee, I asked Debbie for a box and the check.

“You don’t owe anything. The couple who left paid for your breakfast,” she replied.“

“What a blessing! I love it,” I said gratefully. Again, Debbie looked started at my response.

“Well I absolutely want to bless you as well,” I told her as I handed her a large tip. Debbie’s entire demeanor changed.

“I guess we’re all blessed today,” she said cheerfully.

How awesome it is when folks give from God’s abundant heart. I have no idea whether this couple were Christians. But I have no doubt God moved their heart to bless me this morning. While I was the recipient of their generosity today, I believe God will bless them with this same measure tomorrow.

I aspire to live a generous life, staying open and available to hear from God on how to bless others. This worldview allows me to express genuine thanks when I’m on the receiving end and excitedly look for a way to share the blessing I’ve been given. I was thankful to be able to share my heart with Debbie in a way that gave testimony to God’s goodness.

What is your story of giving and receiving?

Lesson in Humility

I love being inspired and challenged by reading biblical accounts of folks who struggled with the same human weaknesses I see in myself. Many folks quickly dismiss the interpersonal aspect of these stories in their haste to find the bottom line. The ability to emotionally connect and be convicted by their stories, however, allows us to grow in our own lives. Learning how God interacts with others gives me a greater understanding of my own blind spots and roadblocks.

Naaman was commander of the Aram army. We can read his story in 2 Kings 5. He is described as a great man, highly regarded in the eyes of his king and fellow soldiers. Interestingly, the God of the Israelites is given credit for giving Naaman battle victories. Naaman suffered from leprosy.

Leprosy is a chronic infection affecting nerves, skin, and eyes and loss of the ability to feel pain. Minor wounds can become major issues resulting in loss of limbs or eyesight. Watching his body slowly succumb to this progressive disease must have been devastating for Naaman, his family and those under him. I wonder how Naaman processed his helpless. Did he shake his fist at the heavens, blaming the God who helped him in one area of life but apparently deserted him in this personal fight?

Within his house was an Israelite servant girl. She risked her position by telling Naaman’s wife about a prophet in Samaria who could cure the leprosy. Full of hope, Naaman asked the king of Aram to make a way for him to search out this prophet. Valuing his commander, the king gave Naaman gifts of silver, gold, and clothing plus a letter directed to Joram, king of Israel requesting Naaman be cured of leprosy.

Knowing he could not cure Naaman, King Joram tore his robes in despair, believing the Aram king was trying to provoke a war. Word of the matter got to the prophet Elisha who chastised King Joram, reminding him God was in charge and directing him to send Naaman his direction. King Joram’s reaction sounds very much like an anxiety response. He automatically went into panic mode and had to be reminded what was really true.

When Naaman knocked on Elisha’s door, the prophet sent a messenger with instructions to wash himself seven times in the Jordan river. Naaman was furious. First of all, he was a well respected man who’d traveled very far to come see the prophet, and Elisha didn’t even bother to receive him personally. Secondly, Naaman was probably very familiar with ritual washings and expected any purification rite to utilize the purest form of water, not a muddy, filthy river in the midst of a second-rate nation. Naaman had obviously expected some type of hocus pocus magic by the prophet to heal him rather than a call to humility before the Lord.

How often do we Christians expect God to work in very specific ways? Do you shake your fist at the heavens when God asks you to wait on his timing or to respond with grace and compassion instead of condemnation? Sometimes we need to be reminded who is in control, so we can voluntarily submit ourselves to God to receive all the blessings he wants to bestow.

Naaman’s servants begged him to reconsider the prophet’s instructions. Using logic, they reminded him of his character: he never backed down and never gave up. Acknowledging the truth of their words, Naaman humbled himself and did as Elisha instructed. His flesh was restored and his body was renewed. Returning to the prophet’s house, Naaman professed belief that his healing came from the God of Israel, a testimony he would share for the rest of his days.

How do you connect to this story? Is God challenging you to change your view on something or humble yourself in an area of your life? If so, allow the Holy Spirit to soften your heart so you, too, can receive healing.

Old Hurts and Fears

Worry and anxiety kept me internally isolated for much of my life. When I did share, any reassurance I received was like sand trickling through open fingers. I felt comforted and cared about for a short time, then it was gone and I needed another handful of reassurance. This pattern made me feel helpless and incompetent. Constantly asking for reassurance was taxing on my family and friends. Believing I was a burden caused me to feel even more isolated and fearful. But God broke through and rescued me from that lonely place. 

1 John 4:18 tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” My lightbulb moment came when I realized moving from Fear to Freedom happens in the context of relationship. Even though my circumstances may not change, my ability to persevere and grow through them happens when I’m anchored in relationship.

I will never love God, myself, or others perfectly – but I don’t think God expects that of me this side of heaven. 1 John 4:18 tells me is there’s a connection between not feeling loved as the person God created me to be and my worry, anxiety, and fear. Being able to receive love, mercy, and grace significantly affects our ability to decrease fear-based symptoms. Fear breeds secrecy and shame. Opening ourselves up to receive love from God and safe people allows us to see what is true and hold onto hope.

I’ll always have a chemical predisposition to anxiety and depression, but I can have compassion and learn how to care for myself well when I’m in the midst of that storm. Learning how to battle my isolating thoughts and allowing God and others to care for me was really difficult. I had a lot of feelings and beliefs about being seen as weak and vulnerable that needed to be critiqued.

As a counselor, I work hard to offer a safe, caring therapeutic relationship to my clients. Sharing how they've been wounded emotionally and relationally is the key to healing. Allowing God to show how parents, spouses, and important people failed to love us in ways you needed is painful, but often uncovers old fears and hurts which invade the present. 

Asking “what, why, how” questions allowed me to move from living in fear to embracing a joyful, freedom based life. John 8:32 tells us the truth will set us free. Truth gives us a solid foundation and energy to withstand internal and external storms. Doing the hard work of seeing how you’ve been relationally failed and understanding your unhealthy responses to those hurts will equip you with truth to face fearful worries, thoughts and feelings.

Serenity Prayer

A few years back I was profoundly impacted by reading the entire serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. Most of us have only heard the first four lines, yet the rest of the prayer brings about an important paradigm shift in how we view ourselves, God, and our time on earth. Meditate on this prayer. Ask God to show you how to deposit it deep into your heart so it will become your godly foundation for life.

Prayer for Serenity

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it;

Trusting that You will make all things right

If I surrender to Your will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Trading Sorrow for Joy

It was a regular Tuesday night. He was on final approach. Just a few hundred yards from the runway when something went terribly wrong. In a split second, everything changed for his wife, 1 year old twin sons, parents, siblings, family, and friends.

I attended my cousin Joel’s funeral yesterday. He was 33 years old, a well-qualified, excellent pilot who loved God and his family. It was my privilege to be part of a family who cared for each other well during this very difficult day. We cried together, hugged, and laughed. We made it safe for each person to mourn. In the face of a terrible loss that made no earthly sense, we declared as a family our faith, hope, and belief in God’s everlasting love.

Many folks get lost in questions when tragedy strikes. Why did this happen? How can I continue to live? If God loves us, why didn’t he change circumstances? Fear makes us question God’s heart. Being reminded of our vulnerability is scary. When Jesus started talking to the disciples about leaving them, they also felt vulnerable. Thomas in John 14:5 asked, “Lord we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus gave Thomas the same answer he gave us yesterday. “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Finding your way out of grief and questioning starts with moving toward Jesus. He wept at Lazarus’ death and begged Judas to come to him at the Last Supper. Take the hand Jesus offers. He will guide you to the Father’s heart where you’ll find all the answers you need.

Some of Joel’s siblings danced to a special song at the funeral. It lifted our hearts, reminding us God has promised to prepare a place for us and take us to be with him forever. Joel, I look forward to once again see your ready smile on the day I join you in heaven!

Trading My Sorrows by Darrell Evans

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

We say
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Amen

Growth Always Involves Fear

You know our significant other/s always test us when they realize we are at a new level of spiritual growth. When we are at a new level of emancipation. Of self-sovereignty. They are always the first to know. And they become frightened. And they try to get us to fall back into the old enmeshed patterns. But their test is really confirmation of our liberation and movement toward wholeness. Their fear is that our growth is a reminder that they too can choose theirs.  Martin Luther King, Jr.

Growth always involves fear. Most of my counseling clients realize they need to face their own personal fears in order to heal wounds, critique beliefs, and step out in faith. What catches them by surprise is the response of spouses, family, friends, church, etc. Instead of support and encouragement, clients often receive fear-based condemnation. MLK, Jr. understood this human response to change, using it as positive affirmation rather than personal defeatism.

Sanctification is the process of seeing ourselves and others through God’s eyes. This viewpoint provides freedom from an oppressive, restrictive, fear-based human lifestyle. Stepping out in confidence and faith can scare the pants off those around us. Reminds me of Moses at the Red Sea.

The Bible gives us a little information about Moses’ fears and wounds. Each time God told him to talk to Pharaoh was an individual growth opportunity to press into those fears. His confidence in himself and God grew so when he called the Israelites to follow him out of Egypt, they packed up and hit the road. When they got to the Red Sea, God called Moses to symbolically show his growth to the people by stepping out in faith. Everyone around him was freaking out, begging Moses to go back to Egypt and make peace. As Moses courageously stepped into the Red Sea, God spoke to the heart of every Israelite, calling them to grow in faith as well.

Your growth can both inspire and terrify those around you. Ask God to open the eyes of your heart so you can continue to step out in faith. Your godly model provides an opportunity for God to speak to onlookers about their own growth.

Photo courtesy of www.neverthirsty.org

Flawed Folks

            I find it super encouraging to read biblical accounts of folks who are as flawed as me. Women, men, siblings, parents, children, religious leaders, bosses—the Bible gives us relational models which speak to our lives. Today I’m focusing on 1 Samuel 1.

            Elikanah the Ephraimite was a devote man with two wives, Peninnah and Hannah. Every year he traveled to the tabernacle at Shiloh to offer sacrifices to the Lord and ask God’s blessing upon his family. During the festival, he gave generous portions of meat to Peninnah and her children, but he always gave a double portion to Hannah “because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb.”

            Peninnah knew Hannah was the favorite and intentionally provoked her, bringing Hannah to tears. The insults were especially hard to endure when they went up to the house of the Lord. Hannah wept so hard she couldn’t eat. Worried, Hannah’s husband begged her to focus on his love rather than her despair over being childless.

            One day enough was enough. Hannah’s bitterness consumed her heart and mind. Standing outside the tabernacle, she negotiated with God.

‘O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.’ (1 Sam 1:11)

            A priest named Eli watched this woman for a while. She stood transfixed, eyes closed, mouth moving but no sound coming out. Apparently this was very peculiar behavior because he concluded she was drunk and told her to sober up! When Hannah explained she was praying to God out of deep anguish and grief, Eli blessed her and asked God to grant her petition. Receiving comfort and hope, Hannah’s spirit was renewed. “In the course of time,” the Lord “remembered” Hannah’s prayer and she gave birth to a son she named Samuel saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”

            Once Samuel was weaned, the family once again made a trip to Shiloh to sacrifice. With Elikanah’s blessing, Hannah kept her vow and presented her beloved son to Eli as a dedication to God. 1 Samuel 2 chronicles Hannah’s prayer as she handed her son to the Lord.

My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance…The Lord brings death and makes alive; he bring down to the grave and raises up. The Lord sends poverty and wealth, he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap…It is not by strength that one prevails; those who oppose the Lord will be shattered. 1 Sam 2:1-10

            Sit in the shoes of each of these folks and you will experience their strengths and weaknesses. Despite being a man of faith, Elikanah showed favor to one wife over the other. Hurt and angry with her husband, Peninnah responded by scapegoating Hannah, knowing exactly what buttons to cruelly push. Bitterness grew in Hannah’s heart, eventually pushing her to bargain with God. Eli made inaccurate, incorrect assumptions rather than relationally moving towards Hannah to find out what she needed.

Do you find yourself in these flawed folks? The good news is God offered each person an opportunity to grow and mature. I like to hope Elikanah took ownership of his part in the marital issues and intentionally worked on his relationship with Peninnah. Hopefully her heart and attitude softened toward Hannah, promoting peace and harmony at home. We see how Eli allowed God to speak to his heart about making hasty judgments. Doing so resulted in compassion for Hannah’s sorrow and his words brought comfort and hope back to her soul.

Personally, I’m highly inspired and encouraged by Hannah’s transformation, as evidenced in her prayer in 1 Samuel 2. Like many folks, she lived with constant disappointment and hardship. As a Christian counselor, I don’t have a “why” answer. Why did God close Hannah’s womb? Why did he allow Peninnah to be so hurtful? Why doesn’t God step in and miraculously heal and protect those I love? Enduring these questions everyday can eventually wear folks down, bringing resentment and bitterness.

Many of us try to bargain with God and if that doesn’t seem to get results, we close ourselves off relationally and become cynical or stoic. Using human logic, Hannah had every reason to feel abandoned by God and renig on her “foxhole” vow. Yet her powerful prayer shows a heart of gratitude and thankfulness. Hannah confidently testifies to God’s heart of love for her, her son, and her people. She still lives in a fallen world, but she now knows in her soul how God is always with and for her no matter the circumstances. Looking at life through God’s heart gives us everything we need to persevere in faith and hope.

I was very blessed to visit Shiloh several years ago. The photo above is taken in the cave identified as the home of Eli and Samuel. Standing at the site of the original Tabernacle, I felt God’s manifest presence. I challenge you to adopt a relational view of reading the Bible. Put yourself in the shoes of all the flawed folks. Connect with their weaknesses and immature behaviors. Bring all your “why” questions directly to God. Allow these accounts to be a catalyst for growth in your own life.

Cultivate a "But-less" Life

            Imagine being on a journey for 40 years. You’re leaving slavery and all the hardships which came with oppression. God’s given you a vision of a bountiful banqueting table, a land promised to all the generations of Israelites. Hope keeps you pressing forward through all the frustrations that come with constant travel. Then one day ta da, you arrive. Thank the Lord! Arriving at the promised land means things will be easy and your burden will be light. You can finally put your traveling shoes and armour away, right?

            God commanded Moses to send tribe leaders to scout the land to finally answer 40 years’ worth of questions. Imagine being in the crowd, waiting expectantly to hear all the good news about your new home. At first it sounds amazing. The scouts show off wonderful fruit, describing the land as “flowing with milk and honey!” (Numbers 13:27) And then they say it. That little three letter word which has the power to deflate all hope.

“But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large.” Numbers 13:28

            These leaders had dreamed and traveled for years to get to the brink of God’s promise for their lives. I believe they’d set up inaccurate expectations of how God would bless them. We see several examples of how the Israelites expected God to provide for them in a convenient way. They grumbled about only eating manna, expected the Messiah to overthrow the Romans, etc. Our human expectations of how God blesses us can set us up for disappointment and discouragement. Fear sets in. How we respond shows our level of spiritual maturity.

            “But” is a powerful tool of the enemy. Most Christians struggle with connecting the head and heart; what they believe and what they feel. We know we “should” be grateful for all the blessings in our life BUT we feel disappointed at needs not being met in specific ways. Caleb went on the scouting mission and saw all the “buts” narrated by the other leaders, yet he had a very different response.

“Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, ‘We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” Numbers 13:30

            Caleb lived with passion, excitement, and hope. His expectations were focused on God’s vision of the future rather than the barriers between him and the blessings. He viewed the obstacles as opportunities for God to show his glory rather than looking at human weaknesses. There was no “but” in Caleb’s vocabulary.

            Cultivate a “but-less” view of blessings. There may be enemies to defeat, mountains to cross, and the unknown to navigate. Yet God will always empower us to be strong and courageous, blessing us with his presence and heart.

Truth Sets Us Free

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort, you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. C.S. Lewis

Looking for truth can be complicated and confusing. Most of us seek truth only when we need answers in the midst of difficult circumstances. Tragedy, catastrophic loss, and unforeseen events all lead human beings to look for an answer, an explanation—a truth. But most of the time what we’re seeking is comfort, a way to resolve emotional angst. Rather than sitting in grief, we start a crusade, demanding the world to agree with our “truth.”

Truth is not a belief, doctrine, or threat. It is not relative or absolute. God is both love and truth. He shares himself with us via the Holy Spirit to give us encouragement and wisdom. When we separate truth from the person of God, we use truth to harm and control others. Many folks take biblical principles and use them as weapons against others, insisting the only thing that matters is standing on the truth. 1 Cor. 13, however, tells us truth is nothing unless it comes out of a loving heart.

When you have been wounded, someone you love is harmed, difficult life circumstances arise, or your heart burns in resentment against wickedness, seek truth by seeking God’s heart for you and for humankind. Pour out your pain, then ask God to give you strength and courage to receive truth. John 8:32 tells us the truth will set us free. Free of confusion, doubt, resentment, bitterness and able to receive love and comfort.

Where is God?

More and more the world seems like a scary, terrible place. Terrorists, bombings, wars—all these beg the question, “Where is God?”

This isn’t a new question. Each generation has seen horrific hardship and pain at the hands of wicked human beings. Separation from God’s heart began with the eating of an apple, and continues in the hearts of those who desire world domination. How do we keep fear from overwhelming us in the face of these catastrophic events? By turning to the Psalms.

I love how David asks God the same questions we have today. He looked at the events in his world and his heart ached for those who were oppressed and persecuted. Out of that pain he asked, “Where are you God?” David found his answer by reminding himself of God’s character. 

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you…The wicked return to the grave, all the nations that forget God. But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.” Ps. 9:9-10, 17-18

David chose to believe in God’s heart and character, even when scary circumstances brought fear. Pray for courage to face these difficult times trusting in God’s love and sovereignty. 

Ask, Seek, Knock, Receive

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:7-12

We’re coming into the holiday season filled with lots of asking and giving. I love this passage because it helps us line up our beliefs about needs and wants. Here’s the lessons I learn from Matthew:

• God created us to have needs. So many folks incorrectly label themselves as “selfish” for having legitimate needs. We are amazing, complex creatures made by God to have a wide variety of needs. Acknowledging our neediness keeps us humble and dependent on our loving Heavenly Father.
• God wants us to ask for everything. There’s no shame in asking, whether it be for a something material, relational, or financial. Matthew doesn’t say we can only ask for “spiritual” needs vs. “secular” or “material” needs. Children don’t hesitate to be vocal about what they want. Part of parenting is to create a safe environment where conversations take place helping kids grow in discernment about needs. As God’s beloved child, I talk to him all day long about how I feel, what I think I need, and how to live a healthy, godly life. Knocking and asking leads to learning and maturing in understanding the good gifts God wants to share with me.
• God teaches us how to love others well. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves so in order to meet the needs of those around us, we must learn to do a great job of acknowledging and validating our own needs.

Every morning of every day is like Christmas morning for me. My child-like heart is super excited to see what good gifts my Father will bring me. I love beautiful sunshiny days, a hug from a friend when I’m sad, a call from my son, a chocolate peanut butter ice cream cone, and a great deal on a new car. Since I’ve learned to ask for everything and see God’s hand in every moment, I get a boat load of gifts every single day!

Take some time now, before the holiday season takes off, to sit with God and critique your beliefs about asking and giving.

Sources of Worry and Stress

Odds are, you and I have very similar stories. Worry and stress have been annoying companions for most of our life. Decision-making can be a nightmare. All the “what if’” worries chase us around like howling wolves. Stress can feel like a vise squeezing us from all sides. Fear of being wrong. Worry we’ve hurt someone we love. Pounding heart, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, inability to sleep, overwhelming anxiety. How do we make it stop?

I’ve spent more than 16 years personally wrestling with this question. There’s no simple answer. You can’t “just put it out of your mind” or “think about something else.” It’s unnerving to be a confident, mature adult one moment, and feel utterly helpless and terrified the next. Bible verses tell us to cast all our cares on God, all things are possible with God and how he doesn’t give us more than we can bear. You and I know all these things, tried to push worry aside, and developed coping mechanisms for the stress. But it’s still there, lurking underneath the mask we’ve learned to create.

My journey to freedom began many years ago on the client side of the counseling couch. I poured out all the ways I’d tried to deal with stress, worry, and fear—sharing my disappointment at my failure to control those qualities. Learning to look through God’s eyes at me and my life has significantly changed my approach to stress. Utilizing a healthy strategy to process that stress determines the quality of our life experiences.

Looking back at my life, I see my worry, anxiety, and fear came from three sources: Biological/Physiological, External, and Internal.

My family tree contains anxiety and depression symptoms, so I received those genes honestly. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) estimates 1 in 4 adults (approximately 61.5 million) Americans experience mental illness every year. Approximately 14.8 million people live with depression and 18.1% (42 million) live with anxiety disorders. Understanding there’s a chemical component to our symptoms helps to correctly identify it as a medical/psychological issue. Just like dealing with heart disease or diabetes, some folks need medication for a period of time to adjust or regulate the chemicals that affect mood. I found medication to be helpful. It allowed me to do the work in counseling to move toward hurt, pain, and fear.

External sources include all the voices that speak into our life. Parents, teachers, preachers, etc. Their life beliefs and theology are often given to us by way of rules and expectations which we can experience as constraining and guilt-producing. Looking at those voices and critiquing the beliefs we’ve internalize is an important part of understanding why we feel anxious and how do we move towards freedom.

Internal anxiety is tied to the emotional reactions we experience toward people and events. God creates us with core longings and legitimate emotional needs. We come into this world expecting to be loved perfectly, because that’s how our heavenly father loves us. But no parent is perfect and when those needs are dismissed or not met to the degree we need, we feel sad, disappointed, unsafe, unprotected, devalued, etc. Feeling such deep feelings towards those we love and legitimately expect to love us can bring confusion, hurt, and pain. Feeling guilty for bouncing between anger and sadness leads to anxiety.

What I learned in 16 years of digging into my heart, mind, and soul revolutionized my healing journey. I absolutely believe our bodies are impacted by genetics and physiological chemical issues that result in anxiety and depression. That’s why God gave us the ability to find homeopathic and chemical resources for both medical and psychological conditions. But there’s also an emotional component which is very real and often debilitating.1 John 4:18 tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” Think of all your worries and fears. Aren’t they primarily rooted in not feeling loved or afraid you won’t love others well? My lightbulb moment came when I realized moving from fear to freedom happens in the context of relationship. 

I will never love God, myself, or others perfectly – but I don’t think God expects that of me this side of heaven. 1 John 4:18 tells me is there’s a connection between not feeling loved as the person God created me to be and my worry, anxiety, and fear. Being able to receive love, mercy, and grace significantly affects our ability to decrease fear-based symptoms. Fear breeds secrecy and shame. Opening ourselves up to receive love from God and safe people allows us to see what is true and hold onto hope.

Hearing God's Voice in the Middle of Deafening Pain

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain.” 
― C.S. Lewis

It all started with lower molar #18. I thought the root canal 1-1/2 years ago took care of my intermittent tooth pain. But the throbbing pulse came back every few months. Reluctant to spend more money and time on the issue, I popped an Ibuprofen/Tylenol cocktail for a few days and the pain went away. That is until last week when the pain refused to abate. Nervously, I scheduled an extraction appointment with a periodontist. Normally I have a high tolerance for pain. Born with scoliosis, I’ve had some level of back/hip/IT band pain my entire life. But going to the dentist always freaks me out.

Driving to the appointment, I prayed for courage, strength, and painkillers! A good friend came to lend their support and the dentist said everything went really well. He said I should feel substantially better by the next day. Stabbing pain woke me up several times during the night sending me running for the prescribed painkiller. Early afternoon Dr. Moore called and when I described increased pain and swelling, he told me to come in immediately. My stress level skyrocketed.

The first staff person asked me about my pain level, saying I probably had an infection or abscess and they might have to send me to the hospital! Dr. Moore looked at the extraction site and said everything looked good to him, no problems. His positive words feel on deaf ears. Between the unremitting throbbing pain, lack of sleep and food because I could barely open my mouth to eat, painkillers, and anxiety-provoking people, my body had hit its tolerance limit. My heart began beating like crazy, chills rippled down my body, I felt nauseous and lightheaded. Dr. Moore saw the panic set in and quickly raised the chair so my feet were higher than my head, calling for a nasal oxygen drip. It took almost two hours before I could safely stand up without my BP going crazy.

As a friend drove me home, I didn’t have any more info about my pain than I did that morning. The dentist didn’t see any cause for my level of pain, giving me no idea how long the pain would continue. At that point I desperately needed to hear God’s loving voice over the pain and panic.

Cognitively, we can acknowledge the Bible says God is always with us, that he loves us, and he is able to make everything work for good in our life. Experientially, it’s extremely difficult to grasp when pain, anxiety, suffering, fear, grief, etc. are deafening. That’s when the Holy Spirit speaks in a way which amplifies God’s voice if we use our hearts instead of our minds to listen. Practice listening for God’s voice in times of joy and areas of conviction so you know how to tune into its frequency in times of pain and sorrow.

P.S. Returning to see the dentist tomorrow. The swelling’s starting to go down and pain still demands my attention every 5-6 hours, but I am on the mend. My experience was apparently not the norm, but I’m committed to learning from God how to work with my unique body instead of anxiously fighting against it.

Photo used by permission through Creative Commons at http://petesimon.tumblr.com/post/637721075/rip-bad-tooth

Listening to a Different Drummer

The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Romans 14:2-4 NIV.

“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?” Paul used very strong language to remind us to keep our eyes on our own papers! There’s a difference between sharing your own testimony and experience with someone and demanding they follow your example or a specified set of actions in order to be seen as a “good Christian.” People and institutions that demand total adherence to one set of beliefs while judging folks who don’t adhere to them are exactly the people Paul was writing against in Romans 14.

I highly appreciate mentoring and general principles for folks to follow as they learn how to have a relationship with God. But the goal is for each person to develop an individual relationship with God where they receive direct guidance. Imagine what the folks in Ur thought when Abraham declared God had called him to start walking to an unknown place?

Abram:  “God’s called me to take all my family and leave dad, mom, my home and my country to go to a new place.”

Neighbor:  “Where are you going?”

Abram:         “I don’t know.”

Neighbor:  “How long will it take?”

Abram:  “I don’t know.”

Neighbor:  “How will you take care of everyone?”

Abram:  “I don’t know. I guess God will provide.”

Neighbor:  “Doesn’t sound like God to me. I think you’re hearing things! Seems really crazy to me to set out on a journey without knowing anything. Stay here, talk to the elders first, take some spiritual discipline classes, and pray about it as you’re teaching Torah classes. Give it a year or two so you can mature and listen to wise counsel. That’s the way we do things here.”

What about crazy old Noah who built an ark when there had been no rain for who knows how long? John the Baptist lived a very odd lifestyle compared to the religious establishment and regular people. Joseph had dreams, Deborah was a judge, Peter left his family fishing business to follow Jesus around the country. Every one of these folks knew they were God’s servants and they heard directly from him for their lives.

God speaks through his Word and other people, but our goal is to separate the wheat from the chaff and focus on what God has directly spoken to our own soul. I may be called to live my life in a very different manner than you. Please ask me what I’m hearing from God rather than condemning me for the differences. Follow God’s voice in your life—even if those around you don’t hear the same word for themselves.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

Viewing Failure

Never let failure get to your heart. 

--Unknown

So I’m all geared up to spend my afternoon cooking and baking for the week.  I’ve recently decided to follow the Trim Healthy Mama eating plan (low glycemic). A requirement for success is planning and preparation. I’ve chosen new recipes, went to the grocery store to buy new ingredients, and now I’m standing in my kitchen mixing, cooking, and baking.

Excitedly I put ingredients into my NutriBullet for a protein shake (I am in love with this easy to use, easy to clean appliance). As the blades are whirring around, chocolate liquid oozes out of the glass. Humm, probably too much of this new stuff called Glucomannan which thickens liquid. I grab another glass and pour half the shake in it, then clean up the mess. Tastes good but really thick.

Okay, I feel really iffy about this next recipe for an egg custard. It looks simple enough, but I’ve not eaten many custards so I don’t really know what to expect. Egg whites, almond milk, vanilla, etc. all blended together and into the oven. An hour later I take it out and there’s a puffed up brown film that completely sinks 10 seconds after removal. Underneath it’s still as watery as when I put it in. Epic failure!

Let’s try a pasta dish. I should be able to get that right! Following a Spaghetti Pie recipe, I put the Dreamfields pasta (doesn’t raise blood sugar) on to boil. I’m making great progress proofreading my upcoming book on Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I suddenly realize I didn’t set a timer! Yup, overcooked pasta but since it’s the only box I have, I’m just going to use it and hope for the best.

Lastly I decide to make healthy muffins, yum! Oven’s preheated, should only take me 5 minutes to mix up the ingredients. Oatmeal flour, Truvia, yogurt, eggs, baking soda and baking powder…wait! I only have baking soda, what am I going to do now? My options are 1) stop what I’m doing and try it another day; 2) get in my car and run up the street to the market; or 3) ask neighbors. I’ve lived in this apartment for six months and although I’ve nodded to several neighbors, I’ve really not talked to anyone. But this seems to be a good opportunity so I take a small bowl and start knocking on doors. Saturday afternoon, surely someone should be home somewhere. Eight doors later, a woman finally answers.

She brings out a box of baking powder and I tell her, “No, sorry, I need the other one, baking soda.” She kindly gives me some baking soda and as I climb the stairs to my door I realize I messed up. I actually did need the baking powder! No way was I going back to the nice lady. Grabbing my keys, I got into my car and drove to the market with my oven still on and the rest of the ingredients sitting on the counter.

Looking at my actions today, I failed in a lot of ways. What’s most important is how I process each event. Viewing failure as a character issue wounds our heart. We then use negative self-talk to condemn and demean ourselves. When others point out it’s merely a learning opportunity, we brush them aside, holding ourselves to a perfectionist standard. I believe the Bible tells me to love myself the way God loves me. That means offering myself grace, mercy, and compassion. Not everything is a character issue and when it is, God is the one who convicts my heart.

When I view my actions today through grace-filled eyes, I’m excited about what I’ve learned. No more custard, remember to time the pasta, and now I have another neighbor to wave to in the complex. Albert Einstein said, “The only source of knowledge is experience.” I believe my Heavenly Father encourages me to try new experiences as I learn who he made me to be and live out the plans he has for my life. It’s imperative we critique our definition of failure, and not let it compromise our heart.

By the way, the muffins turned out scrumptious!

Photo used by permission thru Creative Commons by tobyelwin.com