A New Song

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3

I’ve had six different offices in my 14 years of counseling. I began working out of my condo, then moved to a tiny 9x9 office some years later. Last month I had the opportunity to move my counseling office within our suite. I had eyed the corner office with two walls of windows since we leased the suite three years ago. When I initially joined the suite, I was thankful for the opportunity to be part of a group of folks who, like me, loved helping people. First-time clients called my small office “cozy.”

A lot of good things took place in that small office. Clients laughed, cried, and God used me to walk alongside them in difficult times. I wrote and published my first book, From the Other Side of the Couch: A Biblical Counselor’s Guide to Relational Living. I was content and grateful for God’s provision. Then an opportunity came open and I stepped out and asked if I could move into the more spacious corner office. Just one door down, yet I feel a new energy, new ideas, and hugely blessed every time I walk into that space.

Some clients see my wonderful office and experience my joyful heart and incorrectly assume I’ve never had difficult life circumstances. They see me with a new song of praise in my mouth without knowing the slimy pit where God rescued my heart, mind, and soul. Looking at my blessings causes them to feel ignored and abandoned by God. Yet my transformational journey is the vehicle God continually uses to help others find their own firm place to stand.

Do you look at the blessings of others and feel rejected by God? Do you beat yourself up when comparing yourself to those around you? Do you feel helpless to change your hopelessness?

Waiting on God’s timing in changing our circumstances can be excruciatingly difficult and discouragement will threaten to set in. But it’s at those times we most need to lift our eyes up to the mountains, ask for God’s help in your time of trouble, and receive hope through the testimony of others. What matters most is your perspective. Work hard to confess your negativity to God, asking him to pull the root of bitterness out of your heart. Wrestle with your automatic fleshly nature when it compares and condemns.

Ask God to show you others who’ve been rescued. Listen to or read about their story of transformation and allow it to inspire your heart. Then focus on crying out to God in the middle of your muddy life. He will not leave you stranded. God promises to give you a new song anchored by the firm foundation of his love for you.

Photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.com

Soundtrack to our Transformation Journey

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mohandes Gandhi

Music moves hearts and brings people together. I hummed and babbled before I could form words. Heaven’s music has always resided in my soul. Thanksgiving and praises rise to God for the food I eat, pillow to sleep on, and the unshakeable knowledge of being loved as an amazing creation. 

God gifted me with an ear for harmony. The intricacies of maneuvering around the melody in a beautiful dance captures hearts, bringing all who hear to the author of love. God has created a unique song for each one of us—the soundtrack to our transformation journey from disconnection to congruency.

Sanctification is the process of allowing God to show us the areas of our life that need to be confessed, grieved, changed, and healed. The goal of sanctification is to divest ourselves of anything which keeps us from living out who God created us to be. Only then will we be able to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul, strength and to truly love our neighbor.

Focusing on the wrong goal results in a larger gap between our talk and our walk. The harder I tried on my own to match my head, heart, tongue, feet, and hands, the more I failed. I was trying to change my behavior when God wanted to change my heart.

A transformative heart change comes about when we see ourselves through God’s eyes. He sees us as beautiful, valuable, desirable—his masterpiece. Seeing myself through this lens ignited my passion to live such qualities out in the flesh. Instead of struggling to do, think, and say everything I thought God expected, I was now excited to share me as God’s beautiful creation with the world. That vision gave strength and courage to press into the sanctification process. For me, that process has been learning how to listen and live out the tune in my heart which fits in perfect harmony with God’s loving melody.

The Masterpiece of Life

Stumbling fingers, like tumbling words.

Searching for just the right note.

Eyes on the music, hands on the keys.

Playing melodies that someone else wrote.

Hesitant steps, like tentative rhythms.

Unsure of the path I should tread.

Defeated by doubt and shackled by shame,

Simply following the footsteps ahead.

Yet today as I played, a tune did emerge.

It’s melodious strain fresh and new.

Although it was simple in comparison to most,

My heart soared for each note rang out true.

If able I am to pen a new song,

Is it possible to blaze a new trail?

To shed habits of old, what a difficult chore!

But God’s intended creation would be unveiled.

A musical masterpiece in a day is not written,

So I guess neither is a new life so made.

Playing one note at a time,

Living each day on its own.

The framework for my new symphony is laid.

Photo used by permission from Creative Commons (Informationaction.com)

Is God For You?

My pastor Chris has been teaching a sermon series entitled, "Backstory." Chris points out when we miss the beginning of a movie, it’s hard to understand the full context. Imagine jumping into "Finding Nemo" 30 minutes into the story. You’d have no idea who Nemo was and why Marlin so desperately needed to find him. Any interpretations and conclusions you’d make about the characters and their motives would most likely be incorrect. The same thing is true regarding God's creation of the world and humankind.

In Genesis 1, God declared his handiwork, including people, to be "good." It's vitally important that our view of ourselves and the world is based on the understanding that God emphatically states we are created good.

The belief that humans are fundamentally good has been challenged by those who’ve come into the movie theater hundreds or thousands of years later. These folks point at the horrible things people do to hurt each other, concluding humankind has always been "bad." Deep down, most Christians believe God has to love them (him being God and all), but at best, he tolerates their imperfect existence. Most folks get stuck in the middle of the story where our heart is deceitful and we cannot do the good we desire.

But that’s not where God’s story ends.

Today Chris finished the sermon series by pointing out that everything broken in the Garden of Eden was made right by Jesus Christ on the cross. God, through his son Jesus, broke into human history at the point it went bad. It’s now all being made right again through each one of us who understands this truth. The final chapter of this story is about us going back to living out the good God created in us.

Jesus’ sacrifice made it possible for us to live a redeemed life. The only way we can be successful is to understand God created us good and He is always for us. Grab onto that truth, write it on your doorpost, rearview mirror, tattoo it in permanent ink! If we’re always worried that God’s disappointed in us, it’s hard to do anything but live in fear and discouragement. A foundation based on Genesis 1 allows you to confidently tackle your weaknesses and learn how to love yourself and others well. That’s how the last chapter of the story unfolds.

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up or us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us…For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, with be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39

Do you believe God is for you?

Author From the Other Side of the Couch: A Biblical Counselor's Guide to Relational Living

Feel Better or Be Better?

Jesus used parables as a way to illustrate the differences between godly principles and immature human behaviors. The prodigal son, like Adam and Eve, decided he wanted to make his own choices about his life and have control over his own destiny. He brazenly asked his father for the inheritance he would receive when his father died. I wonder what the prodigal son missed in the relationships at home that he needed to go out into the world looking for something else. Did he feel put down by his older brother or ignored by his father? Most likely he had unprocessed disappointments that kept him from receiving all that his father provided for him. Otherwise, he never would have needed to try and fill such an emotional void with unhealthy people and activities.

The prodigal son focused solely on what he was missing, causing him to leave the people who loved him dearly. He gravitated towards those who only cared about using him for his money. When we’re unable to move towards people because of deep hurt, it leaves us vulnerable to those who prey on lost souls.

When the son had spent all he had, a famine came, putting him in a horrible situation. The “friends” he had surrounded himself with were gone. Selfishness shows its true colors when we no longer have anything of value to offer. These users either punish us for what we no longer bring to them or disappear, leaving us alone to our fate.

The prodigal son was now in desperate need and anxiously realized he had messed up big time. When we get that “oh no” feeling, most of us jump from the frying pan into the fire -- and the prodigal son did just that. He found a job feeding pigs, but his employer was as much a user as his friends. Hard hearted and unsympathetic, the employer would not even allow the prodigal son to eat the same pods he fed the pigs.

Luke 15:17 NIV says, “When he came to his senses….” How many of us have been in that same place! Sometimes it takes a long period of time under significant duress before we reach out. When we take our focus off ourselves and put it onto God, we can be overwhelmed by the huge hole we’ve dug for ourselves. It’s human nature to panic and want to be rescued. That’s why it’s so difficult to choose long term transformation over immediate relief. I often tell my clients my prayer is they choose to BE better rather than FEEL better. Had the prodigal son been rescued at that moment, he probably would’ve landed right back in similar circumstances a short time later. Transformation requires insight, confession, grieving, and vision -- all of which take time and work.

When the prodigal son finally pulled his head out of the sand and looked at his perilous situation, he jumped right into problem solving mode. Remembering how his father treated his servants well, the son decided he would ask his father for a job. The account doesn’t ever say the prodigal son had a change of heart at this point. Instead of searching his heart and character to see what he was lacking, the son focused on coming up with a good enough sounding speech that would convince his father to give him a job. It doesn’t record any soul searching by the son about how much his father showed love to him by giving him his inheritance early. There’s no account of this son grieving the sorrow he caused his father by his words and actions. It appears the prodigal son only focused on getting his own needs met. And that’s the problem with a non-relational approach to life, it’s selfish, unloving, and unfulfilling.

When we allow God to change our paradigm, it causes us to look at ourselves and our life in a completely different light. Most folks are overwhelmed with feelings of failure for not having seen the truth earlier. Our learned response to failure is self-condemnation. Feeling stupid, embarrassed, and disappointed causes us to push away from God and others. That’s because we’ve adopted the human Outcome-based view of learning rather than God’s Relational approach. When we view life as a process, we have an expectation that God will continually reveal things to us over time. God works with each one of us in our own individual timeframe. He doesn’t set one-size-fits-all standards.

I see some of this language in the prodigal son’s speech when he tells his father he’s no longer worthy to be his son. That statement is all about how the son negatively sees himself and has nothing to do with the son seeing what is true about the father. In a relational exchange, the son would share how his own issues blind him from seeing his father clearly and how grieved he is to now see the truth. King David shows us the healthy response to conviction is to take our feelings to God and ask him to change our heart. David’s approach to God is not one of martyrdom or abasing himself, but just agreeing with God about his immaturities.

Other unhealthy responses include negative comparisons, rationalizations, minimizing, and blame shifting. In an outcome-based society, showing weakness brings ridicule and hurt. Mankind has learned how to employ self-protective responses to shield themselves from non-relational consequences. A significant hurdle in the transformation process is our fear that God will reject us when we show immaturities. I continually pray for courage and strength for myself and my clients to seek God when we see our weaknesses. Choosing faith in God’s heart for us over and over empowers us to hurdle these barriers.

Fear of disappointment is the enemy of hope. How many times have you wanted to be excited about a potential new job or the outcome of a relationship, but didn’t want to set yourself up for disappointment? One way we put a lid on hope is believing we shouldn’t burden others. Mistakenly, we believe keeping our needs to a minimum and not imposing too much on others will keep us from being disappointed. We see an example of this belief when the prodigal son chose to only ask his father to become a servant rather than returning to sonship. He had a completely mistaken view of himself and his father.

His father had been waiting and watching for his son to come home. Rather than being angry and holding a grudge, the father felt loving compassion and ran to his son, kissing and hugging him. Yes, there were barriers they needed to address, but the father wanted his son to hope into a full restoration of the relationship rather than settling for something less.

I believe it was at that moment that the son was able to clearly see the truth about his father’s heart. David often speaks in the Psalms about how loving kindness brings us to repentance. True repentance only happens when our heart connects with the heart of God. As the son begins to recite his prepared speech, I believe he now speaks from a different place. Opening up to receive his father’s genuine loving welcome changed the son’s heart. It gave him the courage to see and confess his own brokenness, but also hope into change.

I can’t give you a list of “5 Easy Steps to Transformation” nor can I tell you exactly what it looks like when transformation takes place. What I can say is there’s a shift in your soul when you move from a place of needing self-protective, condemning life strategies that lock you into fear. You will feel the difference in living a life strategy that embraces the freedom to be vulnerable and passionate.

Transformation is not a one-time event, but a progressive revelation that will continue to unfold throughout our lifetime. Do you want to FEEL better or BE better?

Excerpt From the Other Side of the Couch: A Biblical Counselor's Guide to Relational Living