Look Up, Not Around

Trainer:    Next exercise--deep standing push-ups. Let’s do 3 sets of 15.

Me:   So are these going to give me chiseled arms like Lebron James?

Trainer:    (Belly laughing) If I say yes, will you do an extra set?

Commercials and ads tell me I can be just like any number of folks if I buy this or do that. But why would I want to be like someone else, when God created me to be unique?

Our spiritual enemy lies, telling us our worth and value are tied to certain physical, emotional, mental, social or spiritual attributes. Most of us want to change something because we negatively compare ourselves to someone we admire.

I used to look around the gym, then look in the mirror and be flooded with body image accusations. I’d look around at social functions and kick myself for being an introvert because it was hard to interact. Church was a nightmare. Everyone I saw seemed to be a better Christian in so many ways. While in graduate school, I went to therapy to talk about how all the other counseling students seemed to be more emotionally stable than me!

Comparisons keep our eyes on the world instead of on God. So often my counseling clients say, “I don’t understand how God can love me, I’m such a mess!” They list all the ways they fail and miss the mark set by themselves, others, and supposedly God. My answer is, “Yes, you are a mess. But you’re a mess Jesus loved enough to die for, so now choose to live out who God created you to be!”

Having Lebron’s strong, muscled arms would look pretty silly on me. I’m choosing to do that extra set of push-ups because I want to be the healthiest Judy I can be. Keeping my eyes on God allows me to see myself through his heart and Jesus’ blood. Look up, not around!

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons via teamblue538.wikispaces.com

Happily Ever After?

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Springfield, Ohio having just driven the 40 miles from Columbus to attend a wedding reception. Checking in, I realized I’d grabbed my Starbucks card instead of my driver’s license when I changed purses. Shows where my priorities lie!

Wedding celebrations offer the opportunity to step out of the everyday task-filled life and focus on relationship, hopes, and dreams. Listening to conversations around the reception table, guests often share comments about the possibility of couples sustaining a long term loving, committed relationship. Cynicism makes logical sense with the divorce rate skyrocketing. But Jesus instituted an upside kingdom. One not based on WHAT we see with our eyes, but WHO we put our faith and trust into.

Looking at life through a humanistic lens, we focus on mistakes, errors, pain, and hurt. That viewpoint can only logically lead us to expect more of the same in the future. We are living in a broken world with broken people who have hurt us. Worse yet, we have our own issues that cause pain to ourselves and others, even when we mean the best. So how can we find hope to move forward. To fall in love, dream passionately, and follow God boldly? By committing every day to take the hand of your Beloved, the one who created you. Remind yourself that God loves, guides, and protects you in all things at all times and rest in this amazing relationship.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fall, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. Psalm 73:23-28

This psalm reminds of me the wedding vows I will hear proclaimed today. Sentiments of how the bride and groom care for each other and their vision for moving forward together as a couple. Has your heart turned toward God today? Have you looked in his eyes and seen his love for you in the midst of your circumstances?

Read the book of Psalms. Find the words that express your feelings and speak them to God. Frustrated, hurt, joyful, repentant; David expressed them all. Just like in a marriage, we need to be truthful and honest with God, communicating honestly our fears, irritations, disappointments, and blessings.

Photo from Creative Commons via Photobucket/susano75

Me and GracieLu

The first time I met GracieLu, a woman was dragging her out of a van in a school parking lot. Matted hair, malnourished, terrified, this wire-haired Jack Russell had obviously lived a hard life. I answered an ad for a free dog not knowing what was in store for both of us. Anxious to leave, the owner shoved a bag of dog food into my hand, then quickly got in the van and left. Poor GracieLu, she had no idea who I was nor where she was going.

Gently picking her up, I drove to the condo where I lived with my son Ben. He was off to college soon and the house would be too quiet. I wanted to adopt a canine friend to keep me company, someone who was excited when I walked in the door. 

GracieLu stood still for a long time, trembling and uncertain. Sitting a few feet away, I talked to her gently, giving her the 411 on our home and family. Ben walked into the room, making a comment about the scraggly mutt I inherited. Hearing his deep voice, Gracie peed on the floor then rolled over submissively, her eyes begging Ben not to hurt her.

My heart broke seeing her fear, knowing there was no way for me to effectively communicate that she was safe. Over the next six months, GracieLu experienced consistent love and came to see we were different than her former owners. What a blessing to watch her excitement when I came home, unabashedly demanding my attention, showering me with kisses.

When people are treated poorly by others, we often shut down, hesitant to open up to others for fear of further hurt. Being made in the image of God, however, means we’re created as relational beings. Shutting off from relationship deprives us of comfort, encouragement, support, and enjoyment leaving us isolated, cynical, and bitter. You can be disappointed and rejected without being devastated and withdrawn. 

GracieLu gave me a chance to show my true character, and she joyously accepted all the love I offered. Spend time with God, share your sorrow and pain about those who’ve hurt you. Then step out in faith and open yourself up to the possibility of a new relationship, certain that God will be with you every step of the way, good or bad.

Bridging the Gap Between Head and Heart

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV

When life circumstances are difficult, folks need a promise to get them through the tough times. Philippians 4:13 is just such a promise. Yet many of my counseling clients feel abandoned by God when they need him most. How do we bridge the gap between what we know in our head and feel in our heart? By recognizing this gap symbolizes past relational hurt and pain that needs God’s healing. Let me explain.

My pastor is doing a series called “Out of Context.” He’s looking at key passages such as Philippians 4:13. Reading it in context, Paul is explaining the principle of contentment. Believing God will strengthen us in all things is based on our contentment in our circumstances. Pastor Philip reminded the congregation when you have Jesus, you have everything you need. God is fully in control. We can rest in the knowledge that he will give us everything we need.

But what if there’s a huge gap between acknowledging this truth and feeling loved by God in the midst of your difficulties? This is where healing needs to take place.

In talking with clients about this gap, they always share stories about being disappointed and hurt in significant relationships. Developmentally, children are egocentric; they view the world as revolving around them. Part of the emotional maturing process involves learning how to share and take turns (sacrificial love). The ability to trust in God is primarily learned in our family of origin. If it was never your turn to have your needs met as a child, those wounds will keep you from trusting in God’s heart. Most folks respond by needing to be in control to make sure their needs get met. Instead of waiting in faith for our turn, we’re wounded over and over by feeling that even God has forgotten us.

If you read Philippians 4:13 and experienced a jolt of anger, bitterness, or pain--feeling like it didn’t “work” for you, I’ve got good news. God wants to heal your broken heart and replace your disappointment with belief. Healing involves separating the human from the divine. 

Contentment is based on believing God’s heart is always turned towards us, even when we don’t see the evidence with our eyes. Jesus modeled a radically different way to love others. He knows what it’s like to be rejected, abandoned, shamed, and misunderstood. And he also knows how to love you and me absolutely perfectly.

Spend time grieving how broken human beings failed to love you well. Emptying out the sorrow allows room for God to fill you with his comfort and care. Move toward your hurt and pain. Sit in sorrow. Receive compassion and comfort from God and others. Ask God to cleanse your heart and mind. Then reach for his promises—you won’t be disappointed.

Photo courtesy of nbjenglish@wikispaces.com

Focus on Mindset Rather than Matter

Recently I was interviewed for a blog entitled, Law of Attraction Network regarding the change in my mindset as I've worked to lose weight. I enjoyed the opportunity to stop and reflect on not only the changes I've made in my diet and lifestyle, but how I now look at myself and my health goals differently. You can read the interview here.

Most of my adult life I struggled with trying to lose weight. Disgusted with how I felt and looked, I'd vow to change. Full of energy, I'd start a new diet or gym, but couldn't persevere long enough to experience significant change. Then I'd accuse myself of being lazy, unmotivated, stupid, etc. As long as I agreed with those labels, I couldn't hear from God about how he loved me and wanted me to love myself.

While sitting on the other side of the counseling couch, God convicted me of bearing false witness against myself and I confessed my inability to see myself through God's eyes. That confession allowed me to humble myself and God spoke truth through his Word and others. My change in mindset came about as I received and believed in truth, giving me the energy and focus I needed to make healthy changes and lose 70 pounds.

In what areas do you struggle? Maybe God is calling you to learn how to better love yourself too.