No Thanks

I’ve been struggling for several weeks to pinpoint my dissatisfaction at church. Driving home from Sunday service, I finally put my finger on the issue.

I don’t want to be thanked for my ministry efforts; I want to be ENJOYED!

Our lead pastor loves the Lord and is genuine and caring about his congregation. The church is passionate about showing love to the surrounding community and international missions. Sunday mornings you’ll find kind folks who are happy to help those in need. I love to walk past our children's ministry rooms and hear the kids singing about Jesus.

I grew up in church. Giving of my time, finances, talents, skills, and abilities is something I’ve always done. But lately I’ve become restless with being seen through the lens of what I do at church rather than who I am as God’s daughter. In no way am I being critical of my church and the wonderful folks who worship there. I’ve just realized I need more than being thanked for my service.

As a counselor, I believe God created each one of us with core longings designed to direct us to his heart. The desire to be enjoyed is one of those core longings. Infants are completely helpless. They can’t actively meet the needs of others. Yet most of us smile and enjoy listening to a newborn coo and chuckle as a toddler learns how to walk. We enjoy the miracle of life. Growing older, we cherish spending time with those we love listening to their stories or consoling them in disappointment. Mourning with them. Laughing with them. Enjoying them.

As much as I appreciate the heartfelt thanks of my church leaders for the volunteer services I offer each week, I’m really missing out on being seen, being enjoyed. My creator is passionately excited about this daughter whom he created. I’m a reflection of his creativity and glory. Yes, I do tasks such as run the sound board, sing and play keyboard on worship team, rock babies, finance summer camp attendees, etc. But on a week when I’m away, those tasks still get done. I find it hard to feel enjoyed if I’m merely thanked for doing a task that can be accomplished by interchangeable people. Rather than receiving thanks, I’m hoping someone shares how my singing blesses their heart or hearing from a parent how they feel watching me tenderly care for their child. Ask me to share my heart, then show genuine enjoyment at hearing my testimony.

Sunday mornings are a time to corporately come together to worship God and celebrate the amazing people he created in his image. Get excited to find out how God’s image is manifested in each individual person. Offer thanks to those who minister, but also spend time getting to know them as a special, unique, enjoyable child of God.

Faith Calms Anxiety Storms

Luke 8 tells us the account of Jesus falling asleep in a boat as his disciples sailed across the Sea of Galilee. A storm came up and the boat was in danger of being swamped by water. As the disciples looked at the waves, fear and anxiety climbed and their ability to see truth decreased. Panicked, the disciples woke Jesus up declaring they were on the verge of drowning. Jesus did an assessment and calmly rebuked the storm. He then asked the disciples, “Where is your faith?”

I don’t think he was chastising them for having worry and fear, because those are human traits we all share. I believe he was calling attention to the same fearful response we all utilize--relying on our own resources. These guys had been fishermen all their lives. They’d been through countless storms on this body of water. The wind, rain, and waves must have been extremely outrageous for these strong, capable men to fear for their lives and ask for help.

Faith is about a person. The disciples tried to handle the difficult circumstances in their own strength, only calling on Jesus once they came to the end of their human abilities to deal with the circumstances. God doesn’t always promise to immediately rebuke the anxiety storms in our life, but he does promise to give us strength and truth when we bring him into the situation.

I believe we’re created to reach out to God and other safe people to give us truth to use as an anchor in the midst of our anxiety storms. We see Peter’s growth in understanding Jesus’ message when he later walked on water towards Jesus. This time his initial response to an anxiety-producing event was to move forward toward Jesus, only sinking when he focused on his fear.

Holding onto truth when emotions are on high alert is hugely daunting. When panic sets in, we automatically equate feeling with truth, believing “If I feel this much fear about something, then my worry must be true. If my worry is true, then I absolutely, must, always do whatever relieves the anxiety.” Truth cannot enter into this equation. When we separate truth from God’s heart, we do not have the courage and emotional energy to withstand the anxiety storm.

Practice moving toward God in the middle of your anxiety storms. By an act of your will, declare your faith in his heart for you and trust in his ability to bring you through the storm.

Biblical Lessons from the Birds

Daisy #10 looks similar to my 9 prior paraketes. Caribbean blue body flanked by yellow and white wings. Soft yellow face with dark blue patches on each cheek. Sometimes she puffs up, her body expanding into a fluffy balloon. Daisy’s chirping brightens my heart.

I find it fascinating to watch how she spends her day. Initially I bought the same toys and treats my other birds enjoyed, but Daisy #10 ignored them all except one. She’s obsessed with a small, pink mirror. The majority of her day consists of Daisy talking and singing to herself in the mirror. She’ll bob her head and move her body like she’s doing an avian hip hop routine. Then she’ll look out the window and talk to the world, introducing herself and sharing the insights God’s given her.

Daisy never appears to have a worry in the world. She trusts I’ll remember to provide her with food and water. When I come in the front door, she generally responds with a chirp to my greeting. I love her unconditional, vulnerable trust in my care for her—and wish I could have that same trust in my heavenly Father!

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matt. 6:25-27 NIV

I imagine some folks in the crowd hearing these words scoffed, “This Jesus knows nothing about the hardships in my life!” Worrying about obtaining basic food, clothes, and shelter has been a daily reality since leaving the Garden of Eden. Just as the Jewish nation mistakenly thought God was sending the Messiah to overthrow the Romans and relieve their oppression, we too expect God’s love to be shown primarily by fixing our circumstances.

Worrying is a fleshly human trait not shared by birds and animals. “How do I keep from worrying in the midst of legit concerns?” These verses say the key is to remind ourselves God has declared us valuable. We are his precious children, glorious bride, apple of his eye. God will never leave us and always keeps us under his wing.

My value to God goes beyond my present circumstances. This is a really hard concept for human beings to grasp. We’re always intent on having more control over our lives so we can feel safe by making our own choices. But that didn’t work out so good for Adam and Eve.

This week I looked at how many counseling sessions I had on my calendar. I’ve got a minimum number of clients I need to see each week to keep financially afloat. I was two sessions short and the worry started. “Maybe I should kick up the advertising or do a seminar or, or, or….” I’ve learned to take those thoughts captive by confessing my self-protective worries to the Lord. By the end of the day I’d booked 5 new clients. God was clearly reminding me to trust like Daisy.

Not every worry you and I have will be eliminated so quickly. I’ve spent years intentionally practicing trusting God in small areas, learning how to wait on the Lord with less worry when I encounter big concerns. Watch the birds. Use them as a daily reminder of the heavenly Father’s love and care for you.

Replace Your Distorted Filter

Meeting a counseling client for the first time, I’m listening to what information they’re communicating, observing how they express it, and making note of why they believe the issues are taking place. Everyone interprets life through a specific filter. Hard-wired temperament personality traits, socio-economic, gender and cultural factors, personal experiences, doctrine and theology, as well as family of origin models all combine to create the filter.

But what if your filter is distorted? Maybe you discard information that’s important, or minimize significant symptoms or triggers because you’re fearful. Without seeing all the information from an objective viewpoint, every conclusion you reach will twist truth--resulting in confusion and misunderstanding. Proverbs advises us to lean not on our own understanding. God speaks to us through others; parents, friends, pastors, doctors, counselors, etc. Look for what God is telling you through all the experiences in your life.

Many clients have beliefs about certain emotions being right or wrong or have been given legalistic interpretations of biblical principles. These filters restrict folks from genuinely processing their feelings, critiquing the beliefs therein, and allowing God to show them what is true for their life. Psalms models this process over and over.

Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods? Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord will hear when I call to him. In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord. Many are asking, “Who can show us any good?” Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4 NIV

Do you see the way David processes all his emotions in an unashamed, genuine manner? He began by venting to God, explaining the situation and how he felt. David’s anger came out in the venting, but he knew God saw that his heart motivation was not sinful. Venting allows us to purge our heart and mind of the emotions which, if stuffed, turn into bitterness and resentment. 

Once David purged the anger, sorrow overwhelmed his heart at the plight of his people in their difficult circumstances. Clarity and truth about God and his heart for those people came after David offered his emotions to God as a sacrifice. The Psalm ends with an exhausted David placing himself peacefully into God’s hands.

David showed us a biblical model we can utilize today. Process emotions, critique beliefs, and receive truth from God in order to live a relational, faith-filled life. I explain this Roadmap to Freedom in detail in my book, “From the Other Side of the Couch: A Biblical Counselor’s Guide to Relational Living.”

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons www.entirelysubjective.com

Look Up, Not Around

Trainer:    Next exercise--deep standing push-ups. Let’s do 3 sets of 15.

Me:   So are these going to give me chiseled arms like Lebron James?

Trainer:    (Belly laughing) If I say yes, will you do an extra set?

Commercials and ads tell me I can be just like any number of folks if I buy this or do that. But why would I want to be like someone else, when God created me to be unique?

Our spiritual enemy lies, telling us our worth and value are tied to certain physical, emotional, mental, social or spiritual attributes. Most of us want to change something because we negatively compare ourselves to someone we admire.

I used to look around the gym, then look in the mirror and be flooded with body image accusations. I’d look around at social functions and kick myself for being an introvert because it was hard to interact. Church was a nightmare. Everyone I saw seemed to be a better Christian in so many ways. While in graduate school, I went to therapy to talk about how all the other counseling students seemed to be more emotionally stable than me!

Comparisons keep our eyes on the world instead of on God. So often my counseling clients say, “I don’t understand how God can love me, I’m such a mess!” They list all the ways they fail and miss the mark set by themselves, others, and supposedly God. My answer is, “Yes, you are a mess. But you’re a mess Jesus loved enough to die for, so now choose to live out who God created you to be!”

Having Lebron’s strong, muscled arms would look pretty silly on me. I’m choosing to do that extra set of push-ups because I want to be the healthiest Judy I can be. Keeping my eyes on God allows me to see myself through his heart and Jesus’ blood. Look up, not around!

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons via teamblue538.wikispaces.com